“Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:3–5).

Driving south on Highway 1 from Santa Cruz, I stared at each passing road sign. Our car moved in slow motion, the conversation dribbled out of our mouths. Christina and I hadn’t even been married for a year. It was the fall and we were enjoying our new life together. Somehow, on that day, we began talking about starting our family. We were just kids, but that conversation was a real turning point in moving us toward family life. A year later our first daughter was born. Life has never been the same and every time I drive that stretch of highway I think about that conversation.

The Psalmist spoke of children as a reward, a blessing. But do modern married couples believe this to be so? Should we have children? Are they still a blessing? I think so.

What follows in this article are a few reasons having kids is a great idea. I hope these thoughts will help young married couples as they talk about starting a family.

Before I begin, I want to admit there are obvious exceptions to what I’ve written below. Sometimes a pregnancy never happens. Sometimes marriage happens past the child-bearing years. Sometimes a baby never comes. But, generally, I believe God wants to bless married couples with children.

1. Children Are A Ministry

“And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (Deuteronomy 6:6–7).

Many Christian couples have caught fire for Christ. They want to serve Him with the entirety of their lives. Perhaps they’re far from home and have discovered the community found in the body of Christ. They want to pour into that community, serving their church family. Perhaps they have a heart for a particular pain or need in the community and want to give their lives to remedy it. Maybe they have discovered the joy of serving teens or college students and want to throw themselves completely into it. This is a ministry life — deciding to take up your cross and follow Jesus, losing your life for Him and others.

But we must not dismiss children as a gospel saturated ministry. The world will always need healthy families, and there is always a need to raise up the next generation. Kids are a major ministry God gives a married couple. Parents have incredible access to their children, and their children to them. They are an opportunity.

You want to teach the Word? Children need the Word. You want to send a missionary? Children can be sent. You want to make a disciple? Children are in need of discipleship. The Psalmist spoke of them “like arrows in the hand of a warrior.” They are weapons to be shot out. Will you embrace the opportunity to make your children weapons for God?

There is a reason Paul looked for a pastorate that knew how to lead the ministry of his home first (1 Timothy 3:4-5). It is in home-ministry many learn about servant-leadership. Listening, caring, and loving discipline are all necessary in the church. They are birthed in the home. The ministry opportunity within the home is massive. It must not be dismissed, for it is a significant ministry that many do not do well.

2. Children Can Help With Sanctification

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification…” (1 Thessalonians 4:3).

God wants to grow you. We often say, “Marriage is for your holiness, not your happiness.” This is true, in a sense. I mean, deep joy is possible — dare I say intended — in marital union. There is a oneness of relationship that is unique to marriage. But God does want to make us holy and He will attempt to use your marriage to do so, if you allow Him.

The same can be said for having children. There is no guarantee they will make you holy. In fact, they can drive you to selfishness, anger, sloth — unholiness. But the choice is yours. God wants to use them to help you become holy.

Children can help cure selfishness. I had no idea how self-consumed I was. Then I got married. Then we had babies. All of these relationships have helped me see the amount of attention I put on the self. Christ wants me to be a servant, and with a wife and children in my home, the opportunities abound.

Children can help cure laziness. Laziness is an offshoot of selfishness, of course, but children are hard work. You can’t clock out. Nor are you salaried. You are on call, on demand. They need you in order to live and thrive. This means we’ve got to work. Every stage of their lives is work. Diapers might be messy, but they are easier than puberty. Every stage is work — and this is good for the soul.

Children can help cure prayerlessness. Dependance on God is a must in life. The parent has a front row seat to this one. We must cry out to God for our children, asking God to help them. I have always prayed for my kids’ eyes to be opened to His glory and love, for their protection and future, for God’s will in their lives, and for our relationship together.

Time doesn’t allow an exhaustive list, but name an area of sanctification and children can help speed that along.

3. Children Are A Natural Result Of Marriage

“Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring…” (Malachi 2:15).

God told mankind to be fruitful and multiply. This means that, in general, mankind should continue to grow in the dominion God designed for it by marrying, having families, and spreading about. Obviously, this is a general command for all mankind. Many individuals will not engage in marriage. Many couples will not be able to have children and will not want to adopt. But, generally, mankind is to be fruitful and multiply. And, no, that work is not finished. There is still plenty of room for more of us.

In Malachi, God said he wanted “godly offspring” to result from the “union” of marriage. This is the heart of our Father. He made us. He wanted children to love and care for, that we might know His love and care. He still wants children.

All throughout Scripture, it is considered normative for a married couple to have children. Impotency and infertility are human, so the “barren womb” is a theme in both Testaments. It is held out as an obstacle to overcome. In both Testaments, children were yearned for. To God, the two become one flesh and that one-fleshness produces family. Children are seen as the natural result of marriage. This seems to be God’s desire.

Some believers will wonder, however, if perhaps they should refrain from this norm. Does the culture seem too dark for children? Do finances prohibit children? Will our time for serving Christ be hindered due to children?

These concerns are found in the Bible, but not regarding marriage. The argument regarding cultural pressures, financial strain, and time for serving Jesus all revolve around singleness. In other words, with these concerns, should I marry or not marry?

In 1 Corinthians (especially 7:6-9, 25-35) Paul taught the option of a single life, because married life is filled with temporal concerns. But one should not take Paul’s arguments for singleness and use them against childbearing. In the Bible the expectation is simple: kids are a natural outflow of marriage. If someone in Bible times decided to get married, that meant sex, and sex meant kids. To refrain from kids meant singleness.

4. Children Can Make You More Fruitful

“By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.” (John 15:8).

Some have wondered if children are a hindrance to fruitfulness for Christ. The thought is simple: a more unencumbered life can lead to more devotion to Christ and His mission — and children encumber.

I understand the thought, but, again, we must remember this argument is found in the New Testament, but only in the context of a single life. Marriage, with all its privileges, is not considered the place for childlessness. That is the chosen single life or the marriage where children are impossible.

Some might argue this point, however, after observing the modern church. It is never hard to find married couples that have allowed their children to become an all consuming fire. “My children are my ministry,” is the refrain of this mindset. It isn’t hard to find families that have avoided true church community or ministry by allowing their family community and ministry to swallow them whole.

Instead, there should be a balance. Kids are hurt when they become the center of our lives. They need to see the primacy of Christ and His mission. They can’t only hear it — “God is #1 in this family!” — they must observe it.

Some might see this version of unhealthy inwardness in families and wonder if there is a better way. There is. I have found that families who have given in to this inward focus weren’t committed to Christ’s kingdom or mission prior to children. To think they used to be fruitful in the kingdom, but now are not, is often a false conclusion to come to. There is a good possibility they hadn’t adopted the kingdom prior to children anyhow.

However, there are plenty of families who have continued to embrace Christ and His mission even after the birth of children. Discipleship, outreach, teaching, community — they embrace it all and their family is sweetened because of it.

I believe children can make you more fruitful by giving you focus. Children, in different ways in their different stages, cramp your schedule. You must become more selective about the engagements you will embrace. I remember life before children. I was a mile wide, but an inch deep in my ministry focus. I would do anything and everything. But as life and family developed I had to learn to say yes, but also no. This new development forced me to focus on my truest calling, my deepest fruit, my most important focus. I have been able to develop a grid, a rubric, for life and ministry that is sharp and effective, partly because of the time constraints afforded me by family life. To me, this is a gift. We have seven days to work with each week. We aren’t limitless and omnipotent. A family helps us realize this, forcing us to focus on our areas of greatest fruit.

I believe children can make you more fruitful by giving you compassion. Life is hard. Life with children draws out this lesson. At their various stages of life, kids take a lot of work. Parents love their children desperately. Often, many of their deepest pains flow from decisions their children have made. When a parent experiences financial pressure, parental fatigue, or anxieties about their children’s progress their compassion for others ought to increase.

I was an expert on parenting and family. Then I had children. Now I know how perplexing this whole thing can be. Additionally, raising the next generation can do something good for the human heart, unlocking a different kind of love.

I believe children can make you more fruitful by increasing your wisdom. This is not guaranteed, obviously. There is such a thing as a foolish parent. The foster care system — and other social systems — are designed, at least in part, to help potential good parents raise children in place of parents who got caught up in folly. But children should increase our wisdom.

I used to minister exclusively to teenagers. I was decent at it. Now, as a parent, I have something deeper and wiser to offer teenagers when I minister to them. As I’ve aged my rapport with teenagers has decreased, but my perspective and wisdom have increased. A major reason for this has been the journey I’ve entered into with my own children.

5. Children Are A Blessing

Once again, we remember the Psalm. Kids are a heritage, a blessing. Of course, because of various obstacles, not everyone will have children. But I believe children are a massive blessing from God. We pray for open doors of opportunity, and children are an incredible ministry opportunity. We pray for growth and sanctification, and children are a great way to get outside ourselves, becoming more Christ like. We pray for a companion to share life with, and in marriage God wants to grow that companionship to relationship with kids. We pray for fruit to come from our lives, and children can help us focus, unlocking parts of our hearts that are important for loving well.

Be not afraid, so much good can come from a gospel-saturated family! If you can, have some kids!