“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy." - Jesus (Luke 12:1)
When a child grows into adolescence, they begin seeing their parents in a new light. During their younger years, mom or dad was right and true, a source of illumination in a dark world. But, as the teenage years kick in, children begin to discover the world on their own.
What begins to develop in those adolescent years is a moral compass. It is usually raw, unrefined, and extreme. Right is extremely right. Wrong is abhorrent. Gray areas evaporate, and children become professors of all that is right or wrong.
When this happens, children begin noticing the hypocrisy of their parents, real or perceived. Any action from their parents that is inconsistent with their professed values makes the parent a hypocrite. They are living one way while claiming to believe another.
Christian parents often chafe when these days come. They hate being considered hypocritical, so they instead opine and justify themselves before their kids. Sometimes a bit of self-defense is required, but it is important for parents of adolescents to be thankful they are living with a hypocrisy detecting human. Often, adults will drift into complacency, and married couples will often encourage one another into such drift, so when a teenager sniffs out your sin, you should be thankful they were present to do so.
Instead of bristling at their claims of hypocrisy, or their gentler questioning of your priorities and decisions, it would be good for parents to allow the Spirit to do his searching work.
- Do you claim Jesus is important, yet only sporadically attend church? Your adolescent will notice.
- Do you say everyone needs the gracious gospel of Christ, yet vehemently spew disgust at the world around you? Your adolescent will notice.
- Do you talk about the importance of service and generosity, yet your life is mostly spent on the self? Your adolescent will notice.
- Do you talk about respectful submission to the authorities, yet slander and trash those in authority over you? Your adolescent will notice.
They will see these little hypocritical acts and judge you for them. Their condemnation will lack balance, nuance, or grace, but will often be true.
Rather than lash out in angry self-defense, parents ought to thank God for the fresh perspective brought into their homes. We all need to grow. We all fall into ruts that God wants to deliver us from. The teen years are years of growth. The child grows into an adult, and the adult can grow into the image of Christ.
