Introduction

The Fall

When sin entered the world, the relationship between men and women was capsized. God created his world. He put man and woman in it to cultivate and subdue it -- together. But when they sinned, death was introduced to the planet.

This death was not immediate. It was slow. Nor was it only a physical and future death. It was spiritual, emotional, and relational. Life ceased to work as it was intended. And, as you scan history, this brokenness is often displayed in marriage.

Our Lens

God's people have always understood the world through the lens of fall. When we see a broken human institution, we suspect sin is at the core of the problem. So when we see dysfunctioning schools, failed states, or depressed economies, we look for the root sins.

The same should be said for a Christ-follower's attitude about marriage. Broken marriages abound. We have rapidly become a divorce culture. We are swimming in marital dysfunction, and its effects are ever-present. Every family, workplace, and school has to deal with divorce's impact on our modern world.

But the believer should not think of marriage as broken. Instead, we know we are broken by sin, but that the gospel of Jesus Christ can restore us. In Jesus, we find forgiveness and grace, and he rebuilds our lives.

Since he does, marriage has a chance. It can become, by the design of God and through the gospel, something beautiful and good. We do not need to worship marriage, nor do we all need to become married, but we can all honor marriage and have hope for what it can become in Christ.

So today, let's consider how sin broke marriage, but the gospel restored hope. Then, let's apply God's grace to our lives.

1 Sin Broke Marriage (10:1-5)

1 And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. 2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" 3 He answered them, "What did Moses command you?" 4 They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away." 5 And Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment.

A Test

The passage begins with Jesus on his journey to Jerusalem. He is heading to the cross, but he stopped in the wilderness of the Jordan to preach to the gathering crowds (1). As he taught, the Pharisees came up to test him (2). They asked, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife" (2)?

It was not an honest question. One way or another, they were determined to trap Jesus. Here, they invited Jesus into one of the hot theological debates of the day. Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

Jesus told them to go back to the Bible (3). "What did Moses command you?" he asked (3). In response, they quoted from Deuteronomy 24. In that passage, Moses told the people that, when they divorced, they needed to write certificates. This paperwork was designed as a way to protect the women, enabling them to remarry someone else and get on with life. And the original couple could never remarry in the future.

So the Pharisees said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away" (4). They all knew this. It's what they thought Deuteronomy 24 taught.

The Debate of Their Day

Though Deuteronomy 24 gave the people a procedure to follow in the case of divorce, it did not encourage divorce. The procedure was created as a way to make divorce a more formal, thoughtful process.

As a nomadic and tribal people, lack of structure was making their relationships chaotic. People we divorcing and then remarrying left and right, often to their original spouse. There was no procedure for divorce.

And you can imagine the chaos. Without a process to follow, a people infected by lust or anger or laziness could give up on their marriages too quickly. So Moses made them write certificates of divorce. At least with some paperwork, they could have some order.

But, by the time of Christ, the people had formed two camps about Deuteronomy 24. Moses had said they had to write a certificate of divorce if they found "some indecency" in their wives (Deuteronomy 24:1). So they debated what phrase "some indecency" meant.

One camp, led by a rabbi by the name of Shammai, was conservative with its definition. To them, it meant only major immorality.

The other camp, led by Rabbi Hillel, was liberal in its application. To them, it meant any disapproval of any kind justified a husband's divorce of his wife. In a sinful and male-dominated society, this lenient view became the popular one.

Permission to Divorce vs. Commanded to Take Divorce Seriously

You can easily see the error of the Pharisees. They took Moses' words as permission to divorce for nearly any reason. But Moses said what he did because of their stubbornness.

This is why Jesus said, "Because of the hardness of your heart Moses wrote you this commandment" (5). They had taken Moses' words to mean they had all the permission in the world to divorce their wives for almost any reason. But Jesus told them they missed the point. Moses said what he did because they were so hard-hearted.

Sin Broke Marriage

Jesus was able to look past the surface and see the root sin. Their stubbornness meant they wanted what they wanted and would find any loophole to get it. The Israelites during Moses' time were bent toward sin. They required regulation.

We must recall this: sin is what breaks marriage. The conclusion many in our day have come to is that marriage is an idea that has run its course. Right now, a record share of grown adults in America have never married. There are various reasons -- economics, goals, and demographics all contribute to this rise. And most generations are deceived in thinking cohabitation has no negative effect on society, So it also is on the rise. This means fewer people are marrying. These are some of the solutions the world proposes.

Extreme solutions are also proposed. Programs and curriculums and movements often have a goal of dismantling the traditional family, and this is often motivated by the belief marriage is a broken and manmade institution.

Jesus, though, knew it is people that are broken, not marriage. It was the hardheartedness that killed them in Moses' day and is hurting us in ours. So if the gospel could have its way, then the heart can be dealt with, and there is hope for marriage after all.

We will get to that hope in a moment, but let this thought settle in your mind. The fracture and pain in the family have been caused by the effects of the fall. Sin has done its dastardly work. And the aftershocks of broken marriage are felt to the ends of the earth. Fatherlessness, distrust, suspicion, promiscuity, gender confusion, poverty, crime, depression, anxiety -- many of these things have their roots in or are made worse by broken marriages. Sin has done its work.

2 The Gospel Restores Marriage (10:6-9)

6 "But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female.' 7 'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate."

What God Said

They went back to Deuteronomy. Jesus went all the way back to Genesis, to the first moments of human existence. Genesis was the foundational text. There, in the garden, on the sixth day, 'God made them male and female' (6). Jesus was interested in Deuteronomy. It's what he quoted from to defeat Satan's temptation in the wilderness.

But the Genesis passage took precedent. There, in the garden, we discover God's original intention. It is something beautiful that the gospel of Jesus Christ and the constant ministry of the Holy Spirit can continually restore in any marriage that submits itself to Christ. It is a vision all of us need.

Represent God

The first thing a gospel-redeemed marriage can do is more faithfully represent God. What I mean is that we were all made in God's image. And, in making us in his image, Jesus reminds us he made us male and female (6).

God refers to himself in the masculine, but when God took from Adam's side to create Eve, God took part of his image and put it into the woman. Therefore, though God reveals himself as Father, we can know that mothers, specifically, and women, generally, reflect the image of God just as much as men do. Men can only image part of God. Women must image the other.

And Jesus reminds us of this in the context of marriage. In a gospel-saturated marriage, the couple becomes excellent examples of what God is like. The man is urged to become more fully man, while the woman becomes more fully woman. Together, they represent God on earth. Though the King is far away, his representative images are here to remind us of what he is like.

In a good marriage, each spouse will encourage the total and complete flourishing of the other. Each has felt served by Christ, so they work hard to lay down their lives for the other. They cheer for each other to develop into the person God has destined. Male and female, they flesh out God's image in the way they interact with each other.

Great Love

But Jesus went on. Quoting from Genesis, he said, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife" (7). In this ideal, the one we want to see recaptured today, great love is abandoned for an even stronger one. The closest bond the man had known is the one with his father and mother. But, when the woman comes along, love develops in his heart. Though he loves his parents, he is compelled by a greater love for his bride. He then leaves his parents and is joined to his bride.

And this great love, the kind that leaves everything else and prioritizes the marriage, must be allowed to continually grow. Many men and women are tempted to prioritize their parents over their relationship -- don't let your parents into your marriage. They don't belong there.

But many others become tempted with new loves as the years pass by. Careers, hobbies, and personal goals can become a wildfire that forces you to neglect your first, marital love. So Christ-honoring marriages will continue to prioritize their love for one another, never taking it for granted. You just have to make time.

By the way, if you are a single man who would like to marry someday, do not be scared of love. I know many of you are nervous you'll make the "wrong" decision. Some of you are afraid to commit. But love, especially one fueled by the love Christ has shown you, can help you overcome and dedicate yourself to a woman.

One Flesh

Back to Jesus' words, he went on to quote Genesis: " 'And the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh" (8). When Adam and Eve came together, God melded them into one. God saw them as one. Though Eve was still the woman and Adam was still the man, they were now united in the sight of God.

A husband and wife biologically complement each other. And their physical union does unify them to each other. This is one reason sexual activity before marriage is harmful -- it blurs the lines of the relationship. It makes you, in a sense, one, but without a covenant or commitment to reflect your oneness. In marriage, however, sex is safe because the oneness is not only sexual but universal and total.

Jesus championed this one flesh approach to marriage. Marriages tend to break down when people behave as two single individuals with distinct and separate goals. Too many women and men are running off attempting to "find themselves," when all they really need to discover is found inside their relationship with their spouse. When oneness is cultivated physically, financially, emotionally, spiritually, and practically, the marriage will succeed.

This oneness with your spouse must be cultivated. In addition to being passionate lovers, I believe husbands and wives ought to be best friends. The wife in the Song of Solomon -- an intensely romantic book -- refers to her husband as her friend (Song of Solomon 5:16). If married, learn how to be good friends with your spouse. Date each other. Listen to each other. Learn about each other. Your spouse is an ever-developing creature, so discover who they are right now. Talk about what God is showing you and hear what God is showing them. Be friends. Cultivate your oneness.

A word of advice for parents: one of the best things you can do for your children is to prioritize your marriage. They are not one flesh with you. And they need you and your spouse to live out the oneness you possess together. It is important for them to be secure in your love for them, but they also need to be secure in your love for their other parent.

Let Not Man Separate

Jesus concluded his teaching by saying, "What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate" (9). This was his basic attitude about marriage. Don't let it end. If God worked a mystery and bonded the two into one flesh, no person should ever separate them back into two. Don't mess with God's work.

Clergy often lead a marriage ceremony. The church gathers with believing couples to witness their vows. And paperwork is filed with the governing authorities. But God is the one who presides over every married couple.

In other words, God is the tie that binds us together. Not the government, not the church, but God. This view allows a person to see their marriage as an act of devotion, worship, obedience, and stewardship toward God.

Let not man separate, Jesus said. Don't let a counselor or a friend or a new romance separate you from your spouse. Don't talk yourself into it. God put you together. Stay.

The Gospel Restores Marriage

So Jesus took us back to the original marriage. And his blood enables this kind of marriage. Sin broke it. His gospel restores it and gives us hope. But, in all this, we need God's grace. So let's read our last section.

3 Let's Apply God's Grace to Our Relationships (10:10-12)

10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

The Disciples Question

Jesus' words were revolutionary because he put men and women on equal footing. But they are also stringent. In this concluding movement in the house, Jesus told his disciples that the one who departs, if they remarry another, has committed adultery. God put the original couple together. To him, they are still one, so a new marriage is adultery in his sight.

Matthew tells us the disciples were overwhelmed by these words. They said:

Matthew 19:10 (ESV) — 10 The disciples said to him, "If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry."

Jesus responded to them, in Matthew, by telling them some people will pursue a life of singleness for the kingdom of God. They will devote themselves to their relationship with God and his people, all while carrying out the commandment to love and the commission to make disciples (Matthew 19:11-12).

Exceptions

Modern readers, of course, will want to know if there are any exceptions to Jesus' rule. I'm tempted not to answer that question because Mark didn't include any exceptions. I think it was his way of pointing towards the sobriety we should have concerning our marriage vows.

But, in Matthew, Jesus twice pointed to sexual sin as a reason people can divorce (Matthew 5:32, 19:9). He didn't demand it. He allowed for forgiveness to occur. But it is an exception.

And Paul added a provision of his own: if a non-believing spouse departs, the believing spouse is free (1 Corinthians 7:15).

In addition to these two exceptions, there are also divorces that happened before a person was a believer, prior to conversion. We might also be wise to consider separation in instances where domestic abuse looms over the marriage.

Response: Commitment to Christ

How can we respond to Christ's stern statements? Let me offer four suggestions.

First, as I already mentioned, some will respond by never marrying. Jesus exemplified a single life devoted entirely to his Father. And he taught that some would choose this life because the demands on marriage were too high.

Second, we should respond as a church by having a high view of marriage. Whether you are married or unmarried, it is important you believe God is active in marriages. He made the two into one. We should all have a sober view of marriage and work hard to support the marriages in our church family.

Third, we should respond by becoming a biblically sensitive people on these matters. If you aren't sure if a marriage or divorce would be biblical, seek out the pastors of your church or other competent believers. Find out before you move forward.

Fourth, we should respond by extending grace to our church community and beyond. These are, admittedly, hard words. Many of us here today are divorced or remarried, and I'm sure many of those divorces and remarriages occurred outside the Lordship of Christ. In other words, it is common for modern believers to ignore Jesus' teaching on these matters. And, since we live in a divorce culture, it is so easy to quit. For this, we need grace.

If you are in an unbiblical marriage, receive God's grace and move on. If it happened before Christ came into your life, know you are forgiven in his sight. If it happened while in Christ, humbly lament and accept his mercy. And if it happened because you didn't know the word, ask for his cleansing, and move on. It is all we can do. And it is far better than a defiant attitude that disregards God's words. Instead, humbly move forward in his mercy and grace.

The Garden

Remember, sin attacks marriage. But God invented marriage. And, through the blood of Christ, marriage can get back to the garden. It can reflect God's image, be a demonstration of sacrificial love, and unify us to another human in a powerful way. Let us seek the help of the Spirit in bringing each one of our marriages back to the garden.